Advance Care Planning Awareness Month: One Family’s Story

Angie Muhs didn’t remember all the fine print in the papers she and her late husband, Bob Sharp, signed on a spring day in 2024 when they updated their will.

But it came flooding back on a July night in 2025, when she pulled the firesafe out of their bedroom closet and sat on the floor in a sleep-deprived daze, combing through the packet.

That’s when she saw Bob’s familiar initials on a sentence outlining his end-of-life wishes in the Advance Care Directive. It was a confirmation that helped her make one of the most heartbreaking decisions in life.

“Even if there had been no paperwork, I knew what he would have wanted,” Angie said of her husband. “But it was a comfort to have it right there with his own signature confirming it. I don’t know how many times I picked up that paper and read the section he had initialed.”

The Advance Care Directive Bob signed in 2022 is a common legal document that outlines a person’s wishes for healthcare in the event they are incapacitated and unable to make a decision on their own behalf. That was the devastating situation Angie faced just three short years later.

Bob, 60, had slipped and fell down a flight of stairs at home around 11:15 p.m. on Tuesday, June 23, hitting the back of his head hard enough to fracture his skull and trigger a brain bleed. Initially, he could answer simple questions, but on Thursday, his condition started to deteriorate. The brain bleed started to get worse, and he began to suffer seizures.

The days blended into one another. A temporary feeding tube was inserted through his nose. Bob no longer recognized Angie or their two sons, Andrew, 23, and Finn, 17. The man known for his wit, sarcasm and love of language mumbled incoherently. He didn’t react when Angie turned the TV to programs he loved, like Formula 1 races or history documentaries. He couldn’t move his left side and needed nursing assistance for daily living activities.

Because the temporary feeding tube could only be used for a limited time, a decision about next steps had to be made. SIU Medicine internal medicine physician Andrew Corkery, MD, and resident Farhan Hassan, MD, said one option would be to perform surgery to implant a permanent feeding tube into Bob’s stomach.

Dr. Corkery also raised the possibility of transitioning Bob to comfort care due to the severity of his injuries, and because even with a permanent feeding tube, Bob wasn’t a good candidate for therapy. Cognitively, he was unlikely to ever regain the ability to continue his voracious reading habits or creative writing projects or to resume his work as a web developer or his hobby of crafting museum-quality fine-scale models.

“I remember talking with Dr. Corkery about Bob and all the things he enjoyed doing,” Angie recalled. “Dr. Corkery was very compassionate, but the look on his face told me it would be very difficult for Bob to regain any of that functionality. What he was describing was existing, not living.”

Norann Ruppert, RN, a hospice transitions nurse at Springfield Memorial Hospital (SMH), has seen firsthand how Advance Care Planning can help families during times of emotional duress.

“It’s a very sensitive issue that no one wants to talk about,” she said. “But everyone must go through it in these critical situations. Don’t make people speculate about what you would have wanted. It is a gift to your loved ones to take the guesswork out of an excruciating situation.”

You also don’t have to be in your 50s, 60s or older to start these conversations, nor do you need an attorney. Nicole Geer, a director with Memorial Behavioral Health who also works with SMH Advanced Care Management, recommends talking about end-of-life wishes with loved ones sooner rather than later. The Memorial Health website offers information about the process and links to appropriate forms, which can be updated at any time if preferences change.

“Thankfully this is not a complicated process,” Nicole said. “Let your wishes be known and documented ahead so you can be confident your family, loved ones and care team are aware.”

After Angie talked with their sons, Bob’s brothers and close friends, she made the decision to forego the feeding tube surgery and transition Bob into hospice. Norann assisted with the myriad of details and decisions that needed to be made, including locating a nursing home where he could be moved.

Bob passed away peacefully on August 4.

Months later, Angie was going through some of his old journals and came across a page where he described seeing someone at the dentist office who had clearly experienced a severe stroke and couldn’t function independently. Bob noted in that journal entry that if he couldn’t read or write, if he was unable to communicate, he wouldn’t want to live. It was another confirmation that gave her comfort.

“All of the options were awful, but when it came time to make a decision, it helped to have that proof that he wouldn’t choose to be lingering in a state of just existing,” Angie said. “In his obituary, we encouraged people to not put off filling out an Advance Care Directive. I’d hate for any family to face that kind of decision and not know what their loved one wanted.”

** Angie is a manager in the Memorial Health marketing and communications department. Her own Advance Care Directive is completed, and she regularly encourages others to become informed about advance care planning for the sake of their loved ones.

Questions about Advance Care Planning? Learn more at memorial.health.